Happy Birthday Beckah!

Dear Beckah, 

Sometimes I think that God sends us challenges designed to make us grow in ways that we don't think we can. Those challenges come in many forms, and in this case, God sent me you.  

You are so much.  So much of everything.  So much emotion.  So much energy.  So much noise.  So much motion.  

You test us all in so many ways and it has taken me a while to realize that you are testing our ability to be better.  To love bigger.  To play harder.  To give more.  

In only four years you have taught me that it's okay to let go more often.  To let you run as hard as you can for as long as you can.  To let you be loud and laugh like a maniac. To let you cry like the world is ending. To let you bring the joy, that seems to be your ever present companion, with you to everywhere.  To let you light up other peoples lives the way you light up ours.  To not temper your exuberance. 

I love that you tell people exactly what you are thinking all the time.  I hope you always keep that honesty.  I hope I can teach you tact. 

I love that you see everyone as beautiful and that you get mad at me if I forget to tell the girl in the drive through that you think she looks beautiful today.  More strangers have hugged or waved to you with tears in their eyes because you aren't afraid to tell them that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you have EVER seen.  And it's sincere.  I don't think you know how many people you touch just by seeing their beauty and telling them you see it.  

You will forever keep me on my toes.  I never know what to expect with you. 

You are like a lit fuse and in my head I'm chasing you trying to blow it out before the explosion. 

In my head explosions are messy and chaotic and to be avoided.  

Reality is that so many explosions have a purpose.  A reason.  

And some are incredibly beautiful.  

So often you surprise me by being just the right kind of explosion. 

I just hope that I can teach you timing to go with that tact.  

A few days ago you told me that you wanted to be like a firework.  Loud, strong, and beautiful.  

You are baby.  You are breath taking.  

I'm just so happy that get to be part of your show. 

Happy Fourth Birthday Beckah-bean.  We love you with all our hearts. 

First Day of School!

It's insane.  I have two kids in school now.  A third grader and a kindergartner.  How does this stuff happen so fast?  

Things were a little bit complicated this year with Brady still away.  Third grade lines up on the complete opposite side of the school from kindergarten. We were also running behind thanks to the two littlest people in the house so we ended up saying good day to Cadence and letting her run to the other side of the school to line up while the rest of us pretty much ran to the other end of the school to line Rory up for the first time. 

Thankfully Cadence is a pro and didn't mind in the least.  And thankfully Rory's teacher was saying hi to all the kids in line so they were late walking in and we just made it in time.    

Both girls have excellent teachers this year and I am super sad that we will only have them until the end of October. Then we will be at a new school in San Antonio doing the first day all over again.  

Beckah and Owen had a really good day at home with just me.  Beckah did ask when we could go and pick up the girls at twenty minute intervals the whole time they were gone.  But Owen only screamed at and tackled Beckah to the ground over toy rights three times.  Over all I considered the day a success. 

Beckah swallowed a magnet.

Yes.  That's right.  She swallowed a marble sized and shaped, very powerful magnet.  Thankfully it was just one.  The clinic got us in really fast after picking Cadence up from school.  Beckah went down and had X-ray's taken of her tummy (two views, front and side to confirm there was only one). She went back with the Tech all by herself and followed all instructions.  The Tech told me she was the best behaved 3 year old she had ever worked with!  Then we waited to talk to the doctor.  At first he told me that she was going to have to be hospitalized until it passed.  I freaked out a little on the inside since that would get very complicated for me and the kids since Brady is gone.  After talking with the specialist at the children's hospital they gave me the option of taking her home, keeping her away from anything metal (snaps on clothing, buttons, zippers and not just on her clothing but mine as well, the fridge, tub, our recliner...) and giving her Miralax until she passed the magnet.  She has to pass it today.  If she doesn't then we have to go back in tomorrow and she will most likely be admitted until she either passes it or they have to surgically removed it.  

Beckah is getting annoyed with me.  I won't let her out of my sight. We have had to put up the baby gate again to block of the kitchen because she won't stay away from the fridge.  I have never wanted to change a poopy diaper more in my entire life.  It's funny and it's scary.  

I'm going to try and get copies of her X-ray's.  I feel I should have them as proof that she is going to be "that" child in our family.  You know, the one that has all the crazy stories about injuries and general stupidity?  Yeah.  I think after the chin wound at Lego Land, and then nearly biting half her tongue off two weeks later, locking herself in the bathroom and running water in a plugged sink until it flooded, and getting herself trapped in the cupboard under my bathroom sink we can safely say she will be "that" child.  

So here is to a good poopy diaper with a magnet in it so I can relax.  And leave my house since she can't be strapped into her car seat with the metal buckle either.  Oy.

Pictures of my cuties...

The other kids were awesome while we took pictures of Cadence in her dress yesterday.  I managed to get a few really good pictures of them as well.  Enjoy!

Beckah Saves the Day!

So Beckah totally saved the day today. 

On our way home from Rory's Parent Teacher Conference Beckah dropped a toy and was really upset she couldn't reach it. I pulled over at the library since I needed to drop off some books anyway and thought I could just get her toy and then walk the books to the drop box. As I got out of the car my elbow hit my lock on the driver door, which also automatically locked all the doors. I didn't notice until I had already shut myself out of the car. The car was on and I could see my phone on the passenger seat, and Beckah and Owen staring at me from their car seats. It was just the two of them in the car. 

I had a brief moment of panic then I peered through Beckah's window and had her unhook the top part of her 5 point harness (the only part she can undo herself) and get her arms out and see if she could reach her door lock. She could reach it but she couldn't get it to pop up and unlock. That door sticks really bad. She kept trying. Then she told me she would try to get her legs out. After a while of her wiggling and shimmying to slide her legs out of the rest of the harness she started getting upset so I told her to sit still for a minute and we would say a prayer. 

I let her say it because she wanted to say it. I have no clue what she said either because she doesn't talk loud when she prays and I had the music still on in the car, but in my heart I was thinking I would have to leave the kids in the car and call for help in the library. Beckah said "Amen" and I asked her if she felt better. I must have looked like a loony yelling through the car window like that, even though it was calm yelling. Four people had walked past me and said nothing during all this. 

As a last ditch effort before I called for help, I asked Beckah if she could try to get her buckle undone. She said, "Hold on a minute mom, I just have to squeeze it really hard and then I will get you back in the car, okay?" LOL She squeezed as hard as she could and one of the clips popped out! She was able to get her other leg free, climbed into the front seat and unlocked my door. I wanted to cry with relief. I told Beckah that she did awesome and she said, "I did! I saved the day!" She did, and saved me the time and/or money it would have cost to get a cop or locksmith out to the car.

Happy Birthday Beckah

Dear Beckah, 

Today you are three. For some reason that seems impossible to me.  It can't have been three years since you were born.

And yet today you are three.  You keep telling everyone you are are five, but you are three. 

It's funny how a birthday can make you see things differently.  Before today I still saw you as little.  A baby really.  My baby girl.  I suppose you will always be my baby girl, but this morning I realized that you really aren't a baby anymore.  Somehow you flew right through babyhood, zoomed past toddler and have plunged head long into preschooler with wild abandon.

You are spunky.  Willful.  Darling.  Beautiful.  When you smile you light up the whole house.  You are the farthest thing from shy there probably is, and sometimes you terrify me.

I love that you know what you want.  For all your bluntness you are sweet and kind.  You love your older sisters so much and you are a wonderful big sister to Owen, even when he is annoying you.  You say the craziest things and never run out of questions or curiosity.  I hope that I can teach you patience.  

I love your laugh. It's loud and uninhibited like mine.  I love that you laugh so readily and find so much to enjoy in your life.  I love your creativity.  I love that you can play well on your own and with others.  I'm so glad that you are getting better at sharing.  I love that your favorite color is blue. 

Happy birthday Beckah!  I'm so glad you are my baby girl.  With you around life will never be boring.  

Love, Mom

I'm taking pictures again...

But just of the kids.  I didn't renew my photography website this year.  It was a big step for me to let it go.  There was a big part of me that still wanted to get a business going again and so I held on to it even though I wasn't doing anything with it for the last four years.

The loss of my iMac last year made me face somethings that I don't think I wanted to face.  I love taking photos and editing those photos.  I love the finished product and seeing people's reactions to their preserved memories.

I don't enjoy setting up backdrops and props.  It's why almost all of my kids pictures are simple portraits, even as babies.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing everyone's new babies all wrapped in a basket, or bed of flowers, or hanging from a limb.  I love seeing pictures like that and admire photographers creativity in making those photos a reality.  I just don't like setting them up myself.  I don't like having to have back drops and extra lights, both of which can be very necessary.  I spent 5 years in college for an almost completed photography degree.  Believe me, I know the value of a studio set up and that studio set ups can be necessary.  But I don't like having to set them up.

I don't like negotiating price with people.  I don't like that people expect high end photos with Walmart prices.  I don't like that people don't respect the time and effort it takes to get them those high end photos.  I have been lucky.  Most of my clients in the past have been wonderful and totally understand the value of what I do (and I wasn't even close to expensive).  Most of my clients have given me memories and experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything.  I have worked for so many friends and family and I fell blessed to have the ability to give them permanent memories of those brief times in their lives.  But there have been more than a handful of clients I have turned away because they felt that my price and my time were negotiable.

I love taking pictures, but I don't the business of taking pictures.  It took until November of last year for me to admit this to myself.  It took me until January for me to admit that it was okay for me to feel this way and to let my website go.

I'm still a photographer.  I even still consider myself a professional.  For now I will be taking pictures of my kids, and maybe some of your kids if I feel like dragging my monstrosity of a professional camera around.  And I am going to fall in love with being a photographer again without any pressure, mostly from myself.