Happy Birthday Beckah!

Dear Beckah, 

Sometimes I think that God sends us challenges designed to make us grow in ways that we don't think we can. Those challenges come in many forms, and in this case, God sent me you.  

You are so much.  So much of everything.  So much emotion.  So much energy.  So much noise.  So much motion.  

You test us all in so many ways and it has taken me a while to realize that you are testing our ability to be better.  To love bigger.  To play harder.  To give more.  

In only four years you have taught me that it's okay to let go more often.  To let you run as hard as you can for as long as you can.  To let you be loud and laugh like a maniac. To let you cry like the world is ending. To let you bring the joy, that seems to be your ever present companion, with you to everywhere.  To let you light up other peoples lives the way you light up ours.  To not temper your exuberance. 

I love that you tell people exactly what you are thinking all the time.  I hope you always keep that honesty.  I hope I can teach you tact. 

I love that you see everyone as beautiful and that you get mad at me if I forget to tell the girl in the drive through that you think she looks beautiful today.  More strangers have hugged or waved to you with tears in their eyes because you aren't afraid to tell them that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you have EVER seen.  And it's sincere.  I don't think you know how many people you touch just by seeing their beauty and telling them you see it.  

You will forever keep me on my toes.  I never know what to expect with you. 

You are like a lit fuse and in my head I'm chasing you trying to blow it out before the explosion. 

In my head explosions are messy and chaotic and to be avoided.  

Reality is that so many explosions have a purpose.  A reason.  

And some are incredibly beautiful.  

So often you surprise me by being just the right kind of explosion. 

I just hope that I can teach you timing to go with that tact.  

A few days ago you told me that you wanted to be like a firework.  Loud, strong, and beautiful.  

You are baby.  You are breath taking.  

I'm just so happy that get to be part of your show. 

Happy Fourth Birthday Beckah-bean.  We love you with all our hearts. 

Happy Birthday Cadence

Dear Cadence, 

I'm overwhelmed.  

These years are slipping by much to fast and I feel like I'm watching you grow up with the fast forward button permanently depressed.  

Do you have any idea how wonderful you are?

How beautiful?  

How intelligent?

How delightful?

Do you know how happy it makes me to hear you laugh? 

How it breaks my heart to see you cry?  

You were my first big surprise.  I always wanted to be a mother.  I thought I knew what it would be like. 

Then they placed you in my arms.  You didn't cry or fuss.  You just looked at me and this new world around you with your huge blue eyes.  Just taking it all in.  

And I looked at you and I realized that I had no idea.  None at all.  

My love for you was instant.  Almost painful in its intensity and alarmingly vast in its scope.  We were responsible for you now.  Responsible for loving you, shaping you, and guiding you.  

Responsibility was not a new thing for either of your parents, but it was suddenly so much heavier than I have ever known it to be.  You weren't bills, or chores, or obligations.  

You were something much, much more and I was elated and terrified by the new responsibility I held in my arms.  

I want you to know that you have made that responsibility so easy to bear.  

You are naturally kind and good.  

You love so easily and are so very clever. 

You accept responsibility easily and always do your best.  

I'm equal parts enchanted and entertained by your ability to be creative.  

You always seem to know when it is time to come back to earth and plant your feet solidly on the ground, ready to face reality. 

You are such a gift.  Such a blessing.  

I know that some of the hardest years are ahead, but I take comfort in who you are showing yourself to be: a smart and capable young woman who knows who she is and values herself.  

Today you are nine years old.  The past nine years have been the best of my life and you are a huge part of my happiness.  

I know I don't always say it but...  

I'm thankful for you.

I'm happy with and for you. 

I'm proud of you.  

I'm in awe of you.

But most of all I love you with a love so big, so vast, that there isn't anything you could do that would make me stop loving.  

Happy Birthday my big girl.

Happy Birthday Rory!

Six years.  That's how long you've been my daughter.  You were actually my easiest pregnancy.  I remember during your delivery, when I started to push, you stretched your legs all the way out and used to your feet to push on my ribs.  You were determined to join us as fast as possible, even if it meant you had to help. 

You bonded with your big sister right from the start.  She was completely in love with you even before you were born.  It's like she was waiting for you to join her and you two have been almost inseparable since we brought you home.  

You have always been such a tiny thing.  

  

Little and delicate looking. 

But looks are deceiving.  Your tiny build somehow manages to hold an exceptionally bright and big personality.  

I have loved watching you grow up.  Watching you grow closer to your sister. 

You were always so busy even as a baby. 

You wanted to be everywhere and see everything. 

You crawled early and never really slowed down after that. 

You are so free with your emotions.  Easy to cry but also easy to laugh. 

  

Quick to temper but also quick to love.  

You have dealt with so many hard things in your short life and you have done it with joy.

I remember in the chaos that was the year between your 2nd and 3rd birthdays.  Doctors appointment after doctors appointment.  IVs and blood draws and scopes.   

And you just rolled with everything.  You brought smiles to all the doctor's and nurses faces as they did what needed to be done.  You rarely cried about any of it and you treated everything like the adventure it was.

And when we had to change everything about what you could eat you took it in stride.  

You learned quickly what you could and couldn't have and you never complained about missing out even when you couldn't eat at a birthday party.  

You have been such a wonderful example to me of how to except what we can't change and instead make our new path exciting and fun.  

I love seeing your father's eyes in your sweet face.

I love your goofy laugh and how freely you give smiles.  

I love that you love others so readily.  You see what I so often over look and you aren't afraid to tell complete strangers that they are beautiful.  

I love that you are quick to defend your siblings.  You never hesitate.  Despite your size you just jump right into the fray and give it all you have got. 

You challenge me.  I want to pretend that I am more like Cadence, and while I have always been responsible and reliable, I am actually more like you.  I too am quick to all those heady emotions I see boiling in you. You have taught me more about having patience, with you and myself, than all my other children combined. Mothering you has helped me grow into a better person.

You are my creative party girl.  You come up with such wonderful ideas and you believe I can make all of them come true.  I love that you believe in me and that you believe anything is possible. 

I love that you give your whole self to everything you do.  You would rather not do anything at all then do something halfway.  

You have taught me to appreciate surprises. 

You are an amazing big sister.  It's not an easy job, but you are always so willing to love your siblings. 

Now you are another year older.   

And my sweet little baby is growing into a beautiful girl. 

I am so proud of who you are growing into.

Happy Birthday Rory!  We love you with all our hearts!

Happy Birthday Owen

Two years ago today we met you for the first time.  

You were a surprise.  One of the biggest surprises of our lives.  

We had been doing the girl thing for so long that a sweet little boy was a bit of a shock. 

You were different from your girls from the very beginning. 

So different. 

So wonderfully different.  A wonderful compliment to our family.

Just what we needed.

Watching you grow has been such a joy and being your mother, such a privilege.

  

You have taught me so much.  You have given me the other half of the parenting coin. 

I find so much joy watching you with your father.  Seeing all the wonderful things I love in the man I married bloom in the boy we created together. 

I adore your love for your sisters.  That you call them "my girls."  That you want to be where they are and do what they do. 

You are stubborn. You are loud.  You are messy. 

You are cuddly. You are funny.  You are sweet.

You are strong.

Everyday you grow up a little bit more.

It brings me so much joy to see you growing...

...and at the same time it breaks my heart.

Because you are my baby.

My last.

So today, on your birthday, I want you to know that you are loved.

You are special. 

And best of all... 

You are ours. 

Happy 2nd Birthday Owenfish.