Beckah Saves the Day!

So Beckah totally saved the day today. 

On our way home from Rory's Parent Teacher Conference Beckah dropped a toy and was really upset she couldn't reach it. I pulled over at the library since I needed to drop off some books anyway and thought I could just get her toy and then walk the books to the drop box. As I got out of the car my elbow hit my lock on the driver door, which also automatically locked all the doors. I didn't notice until I had already shut myself out of the car. The car was on and I could see my phone on the passenger seat, and Beckah and Owen staring at me from their car seats. It was just the two of them in the car. 

I had a brief moment of panic then I peered through Beckah's window and had her unhook the top part of her 5 point harness (the only part she can undo herself) and get her arms out and see if she could reach her door lock. She could reach it but she couldn't get it to pop up and unlock. That door sticks really bad. She kept trying. Then she told me she would try to get her legs out. After a while of her wiggling and shimmying to slide her legs out of the rest of the harness she started getting upset so I told her to sit still for a minute and we would say a prayer. 

I let her say it because she wanted to say it. I have no clue what she said either because she doesn't talk loud when she prays and I had the music still on in the car, but in my heart I was thinking I would have to leave the kids in the car and call for help in the library. Beckah said "Amen" and I asked her if she felt better. I must have looked like a loony yelling through the car window like that, even though it was calm yelling. Four people had walked past me and said nothing during all this. 

As a last ditch effort before I called for help, I asked Beckah if she could try to get her buckle undone. She said, "Hold on a minute mom, I just have to squeeze it really hard and then I will get you back in the car, okay?" LOL She squeezed as hard as she could and one of the clips popped out! She was able to get her other leg free, climbed into the front seat and unlocked my door. I wanted to cry with relief. I told Beckah that she did awesome and she said, "I did! I saved the day!" She did, and saved me the time and/or money it would have cost to get a cop or locksmith out to the car.

Happy Birthday Beckah

Dear Beckah, 

Today you are three. For some reason that seems impossible to me.  It can't have been three years since you were born.

And yet today you are three.  You keep telling everyone you are are five, but you are three. 

It's funny how a birthday can make you see things differently.  Before today I still saw you as little.  A baby really.  My baby girl.  I suppose you will always be my baby girl, but this morning I realized that you really aren't a baby anymore.  Somehow you flew right through babyhood, zoomed past toddler and have plunged head long into preschooler with wild abandon.

You are spunky.  Willful.  Darling.  Beautiful.  When you smile you light up the whole house.  You are the farthest thing from shy there probably is, and sometimes you terrify me.

I love that you know what you want.  For all your bluntness you are sweet and kind.  You love your older sisters so much and you are a wonderful big sister to Owen, even when he is annoying you.  You say the craziest things and never run out of questions or curiosity.  I hope that I can teach you patience.  

I love your laugh. It's loud and uninhibited like mine.  I love that you laugh so readily and find so much to enjoy in your life.  I love your creativity.  I love that you can play well on your own and with others.  I'm so glad that you are getting better at sharing.  I love that your favorite color is blue. 

Happy birthday Beckah!  I'm so glad you are my baby girl.  With you around life will never be boring.  

Love, Mom

The first day is always the worst...

For me anyway.

Brady left for training several states away this morning.  I didn't sleep well last night, dreading actually having to get up and say good bye.

Yesterday was hard.  It went by much to fast.  I made sure that all of Brady's clothes were clean and helped him pack.  I made one of his favorite meals for dinner.  He gave us all blessings.  Then we got kids ready for bed and Brady and I spent a quiet night together before going to bed early.  Brady fell asleep quickly, just like he always does. I stared at the ceiling for a while, then Owen woke up and I went and stared at Owen's ceiling for a while.  Eventually I fell asleep.  Then all too soon my alarm went off and I had to get up.  I had to get up so we could say good bye.  

I got all the kids up, even Owen.  We got to say a prayer together.  I made them sit long enough to get a picture.  

And then he was on his way. 

I did good for a few hours.  I do better when I can stay busy.  When I drove Rory to school I felt that tight, smothering feeling in my chest and the sore in my throat that comes when you are trying not to cry.  To much time to just think when I drive.  

The hardest part about the day is the weird emptiness of the house.  It's a Monday, so things are just as busy as any other week day.  In fact there really isn't anything different except that we actually saw Brady before he left.  On the normal days we don't see him in the morning because he leaves before we get up.  Today, though, he won't be coming back like normal.  We won't hear the garage and the kids won't rush to the door yelling "Daddy! Daddy!"  And the house already knows it because despite there being five people still here, it feels empty. Hollow. Like our heart is missing.

It's amazing the difference one person can make.  

Dinner will be hard.  The littles will ask over and over where Daddy is and I will remind them again that he went to school.  It will be painful every time they ask but after a while they will stop asking and that will be just as painful.

Skype will be our highlight.  Seeing dad is always the highlight of any day.   

Nighttime is by far the hardest.  Once the kids are in bed and it's just me.  I may have full control of the TV, but it just isn't the same without Brady.  We could go a whole evening peacefully without saying a word to each other, but we were together. At least this time I can text whenever I feel like it and we are even in the same timezone.  

I probably won't make his side of the bed for a few days.  Because then I can pretend he just got up and went to work like normal.  Don't worry, I will get over it.  My natural "keep it tidy" instincts won't tolerate it for very long.  

I'll miss tripping over his boots in the bathroom, and finding his socks all over the house.  

But after today it won't seem so bad. After this week things will feel as normal as they can be without our favorite person in the house. 

In all honesty, Brady has it the hardest.  He has to go stay in a strange room for 6 months, eat cafeteria food, and deal with long quiet nights.  Quiet is only nice for a little while. Especially when you are used to the noise of four kids surrounding you every night.  After a while the quiet just reminds you of what you are missing. At least I have the noise, the mess, and the crazy.  I couldn't be Brady.  He is braver than I am and I am thankful for this sacrifice he is making so that we can have a better future. 

Only 6ish months to go!  

Lost her first tooth!!

To say she was excited was an understatement!

Bit into an apple and POP out it came!